Soft Cell's Tainted Love
I am not one to just listen to music. If I have anything to do that requires concentration (except house cleaning*) I prefer it to be quiet. I won't hear anything when I concentrate, so ambient music is a waste on me. I do like to listen to music when I walk. It's been about a year since I've exercised listening to music so I am enjoying hearing songs I have heard in a while, such as the one listed above.
*the best cleaning music for me is Gregorian Chants. Why, I don't know but I can clean for hours listening to the right CD.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Walking IS easy
So for the moment that's what I will call the blog. It's the only consistent exercise I usually can manage, and most of all I enjoy it. So there.
I guess I have to change my name from Round Runner to something else. Waddling Walker?
I guess I have to change my name from Round Runner to something else. Waddling Walker?
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Rename the blog?
Better living through chemical intervention
I have tired to get into running several times in my life, but it wasn't possible until I wen on a 60 mg dose of Cymbalta. My exercise drive shot up and my interest in running bloomed. Unfortunately after about 18 months I couldn't sleep well at night so I dropped my dose down to 30 mg. My mood is great, but my exercise drive, particularly my drive to run is totally shot. On the up side I sleep like the dead again and I can concentrate while at work.
This makes me wonder about how much of my personality and likes/abilities are totally dependent on my brain chemistry. Which ultimately, I guess is all of them. Duh! Part of the reason I haven't been keeping my blog up to date is that I feel a bit like a fraud posting under the current title. So I think I will change the name to reflect my current state of exercise/being.
Any suggestions?
I have tired to get into running several times in my life, but it wasn't possible until I wen on a 60 mg dose of Cymbalta. My exercise drive shot up and my interest in running bloomed. Unfortunately after about 18 months I couldn't sleep well at night so I dropped my dose down to 30 mg. My mood is great, but my exercise drive, particularly my drive to run is totally shot. On the up side I sleep like the dead again and I can concentrate while at work.
This makes me wonder about how much of my personality and likes/abilities are totally dependent on my brain chemistry. Which ultimately, I guess is all of them. Duh! Part of the reason I haven't been keeping my blog up to date is that I feel a bit like a fraud posting under the current title. So I think I will change the name to reflect my current state of exercise/being.
Any suggestions?
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Aborted experiment
Intermittent Fasting
I should know better by now. Anytime I read about a weight loss plan that involves little effort it either doesn't' work, or what you actually have to do is so unpleasant as to be not worth the results. I tried intermittent fasting today, which is where you don't eat for 24 hours and then eat normally for a few days and then fast again. I stopped eating after 6 pm last night and was supposed to eat dinner tonight after 6 pm, skipping breakfast and lunch. I ate lunch at about 1:10. I wasn't so hungry that I had to eat, but my head felt very fuzzy and pro-headache like. I've come to the conclusion that I can fast if I have to, but I don't think I'll take it up recreationally.
I should know better by now. Anytime I read about a weight loss plan that involves little effort it either doesn't' work, or what you actually have to do is so unpleasant as to be not worth the results. I tried intermittent fasting today, which is where you don't eat for 24 hours and then eat normally for a few days and then fast again. I stopped eating after 6 pm last night and was supposed to eat dinner tonight after 6 pm, skipping breakfast and lunch. I ate lunch at about 1:10. I wasn't so hungry that I had to eat, but my head felt very fuzzy and pro-headache like. I've come to the conclusion that I can fast if I have to, but I don't think I'll take it up recreationally.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Lurching Forward
My March 30th post was very Yay Me! Since then I've had fits and starts. The up side is that I am quilting up a storm - I have a baby quilt due Friday (an out of town friend will be visiting with said bebe and it would be nice to give her the quilt in person) and I will get the binding done tonight and get it washed and dried. Woot! The down side is that I've hit the treadmill once so far this week. I seem to be having better luck (?) if you can call it that exercising in the evening than in the morning. This is entirely contrary to my past decade of experience. I guess I will do what ever has to be done. I am finding that I feel better if I don't rush about in the morning trying to fit in everything I do and exercise too before getting to work. Now I just have to make sure that the exercise happens when I get home. Step 1, meet step 2.
Note to self - remember that this health thing is forever, so keep trying.
Note to self - remember that this health thing is forever, so keep trying.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Proud of me
That's something we don't say to ourselves often enough. I got up at 5:30 am this morning, ate breakfast, doodled around and then walked at between 2.8 and 3.0 mph on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I did my foot pre-hab exercises and my ab routine. I'm up about 1/2 pound from my last weigh in, but I know why. As the Cymbalta levels fall in my system the random munchiness is rising. I'm eating more even when I am not hungry. I got fat for really valid reasons, and now I have to work on some of them with less chemical assistance. In the face of other preferences, I got up and did what needed to be done. Yay me!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Better living through modern chemistry
My tale of woe
After the birth of Little Runner I developed debilitating Endomeitriosis. Since I had bad cramps all my life I thought I knew what Endomeitriosis was and how bad it felt. Boy was I wrong. I actually got to the point where I remember explicitly thinking, "If this doesn't get better (soon) I don't think I want to hang around like this." Most of my problems seemed to stem from implantation near my sciatic nerve that gave me chronic pain all the time, no matter what position I want in, sitting, standing, or laying down. It got so bad that for weeks at a time I couldn't actually stand up because bad things happened. This of course was very disruptive to my ability to work.
It took about 9 months for everything to get to that point, and then another 9 months for me to fully figure out what the actual problem was and get it treated. Ultimately I had 4 operations to deal with individual physical issues, crossing each potential pain source off until there was just one left. The only useful pain relieving course for me is taking the pill continuously with no breaks. I fully thought that once I had fixed the pain issue all of my built up psych issues would evaporate. No dice. I don't know why I didn't make the connection that chronic pain is often coupled with depression. After spending the first 2 years of Little Runner's life being hair-trigger cranky, yelling like a drill sergeant on crack, and starting to get a bit slappy with the boy, I decided that I needed some serious help. Hello Cymbalta!
Reality is all in your head...
Within 3 days of starting the drug I was able to got to the gym every day for 5 days straight. The last vestiges of discomfort left my feet and lower legs (apparently a known effect of Cymbalta) and I started to unwind and relax and get some control over my reactions to my amazing, funny, totally annoying and exasperating child. Fitness was on the menu again, which was great since over the preceding 24 months I had gained almost 60 lbs!
Fast forward year later I am down 35 lbs (Yay!) and on to the next phase of whatever my brain/body has in store for me. After about 6 weeks of really crappy sleep I talked with my doctor and decided to cut my Cymbalta dosage in half. I'm about 10 days into it and I feel very good, and thankfully I am sleeping much better again. I can also deeply concentrate again, which is a total blessing. I've been on Cymbalta for almost 2 years now, and during that entire time I haven't quilted, which is one of my historic passions. But I have been passionate about fitness and exercise. And as my attention span has gotten better and my ability to concentrate came back my drive to exercise has fallen by the wayside.
This, of course, deeply concerns me. It also makes me think about personality, preferences, and brain chemistry. It's kind of scary that taking a pill every morning can essentially change my ability to enjoy the things I used to enjoy, and enhance my ability to do things that have historically been difficult. Now, given the choice between quilting and not wanting to kill myself, I'll take the latter. But if I can find a way to have quilting, good moods and limited yelling and snappiness, and running that would be the best mix.
So I am going to work on it the hard way. Tomorrow morning I'm going to get up and hit the treadmill for a brisk walk like I used to almost every morning. And I'm going to build up from there. I'll get back to tracking my diet and see if I can't get back on my fitness wagon. This is all for the long haul. If I have to figure out new ways to do things that work for me with the way my brain is now, so be it. All I have is a lifetime to get it right, however long that may be.
After the birth of Little Runner I developed debilitating Endomeitriosis. Since I had bad cramps all my life I thought I knew what Endomeitriosis was and how bad it felt. Boy was I wrong. I actually got to the point where I remember explicitly thinking, "If this doesn't get better (soon) I don't think I want to hang around like this." Most of my problems seemed to stem from implantation near my sciatic nerve that gave me chronic pain all the time, no matter what position I want in, sitting, standing, or laying down. It got so bad that for weeks at a time I couldn't actually stand up because bad things happened. This of course was very disruptive to my ability to work.
It took about 9 months for everything to get to that point, and then another 9 months for me to fully figure out what the actual problem was and get it treated. Ultimately I had 4 operations to deal with individual physical issues, crossing each potential pain source off until there was just one left. The only useful pain relieving course for me is taking the pill continuously with no breaks. I fully thought that once I had fixed the pain issue all of my built up psych issues would evaporate. No dice. I don't know why I didn't make the connection that chronic pain is often coupled with depression. After spending the first 2 years of Little Runner's life being hair-trigger cranky, yelling like a drill sergeant on crack, and starting to get a bit slappy with the boy, I decided that I needed some serious help. Hello Cymbalta!
Reality is all in your head...
Within 3 days of starting the drug I was able to got to the gym every day for 5 days straight. The last vestiges of discomfort left my feet and lower legs (apparently a known effect of Cymbalta) and I started to unwind and relax and get some control over my reactions to my amazing, funny, totally annoying and exasperating child. Fitness was on the menu again, which was great since over the preceding 24 months I had gained almost 60 lbs!
Fast forward year later I am down 35 lbs (Yay!) and on to the next phase of whatever my brain/body has in store for me. After about 6 weeks of really crappy sleep I talked with my doctor and decided to cut my Cymbalta dosage in half. I'm about 10 days into it and I feel very good, and thankfully I am sleeping much better again. I can also deeply concentrate again, which is a total blessing. I've been on Cymbalta for almost 2 years now, and during that entire time I haven't quilted, which is one of my historic passions. But I have been passionate about fitness and exercise. And as my attention span has gotten better and my ability to concentrate came back my drive to exercise has fallen by the wayside.
This, of course, deeply concerns me. It also makes me think about personality, preferences, and brain chemistry. It's kind of scary that taking a pill every morning can essentially change my ability to enjoy the things I used to enjoy, and enhance my ability to do things that have historically been difficult. Now, given the choice between quilting and not wanting to kill myself, I'll take the latter. But if I can find a way to have quilting, good moods and limited yelling and snappiness, and running that would be the best mix.
So I am going to work on it the hard way. Tomorrow morning I'm going to get up and hit the treadmill for a brisk walk like I used to almost every morning. And I'm going to build up from there. I'll get back to tracking my diet and see if I can't get back on my fitness wagon. This is all for the long haul. If I have to figure out new ways to do things that work for me with the way my brain is now, so be it. All I have is a lifetime to get it right, however long that may be.
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